A Letter

A letter:
bombs blast
like broken moons overhead
and the stench of the dead
and a mouthful of mud
face down.

A letter:
sitting on the front porch
when they arrive,
that fucking flag
like a body bag.

For my third NaPoWriMo prompt I chose to address an irrational, yet terrible and persistent, fear of my boyfriend being conscripted to fight in some war. Its a recurring nightmare that often stays with me throughout the days. Though I’m happy with what I have come up with I feel it has a little more potential in it still. Its definitely something I’ll continue to work with. With that said, please feel free to criticize at will!

Advertisements

12 Comments»

  wordsbypsayers wrote @

Nicely written! I especially love the last two lines
“that fucking flag
like a body bag.” (Not a irrational fear at all)
Pamela

  poemblaze wrote @

I can understand the fear. I am 4F in about six different ways and am glad.

  ericahawleyscime wrote @

What does 4F mean?

  pieceofpie wrote @

i thought it was perfect. poetically correct… i try not to consider the consequences myself… i have a son who is 21…. you have placed each thought perfectly…. in posse

  Ron. wrote @

Stark. Perfect.
My sister has one of those friggin flags; folded up, nice and neat, it haunts her.
Don’t mess with this too much.

  Jessica GC wrote @

I would have to agree with Pamela, your fear is not irrational; not one bit. I also agree with pieceofpie and say that this is perfect. Wonderful job with the prompt. Your poem really spoke to me.

  Terri Light wrote @

Well thought out and concise. I feel the fear and relate. It is more than a draft piece. Reconsider.

  Robin wrote @

REally powerful. I’m with Ron–don’t fudge with it. It works really well just as it is.

  Robin wrote @

This is very powerful! Like Ron said, I wouldn’t change it around. It’s doing its job, and quite effectively.

  Eryl wrote @

This is great. I particularly like the image of ‘broken moons’ and the last two lines bring it all home.

  ericahawleyscime wrote @

Thanks so much you guy! You’ve convinced me :)

  ajv wrote @

Wow, love that last stanza– reminds me a bit of Kim Addonizio or Denise Duhamel. Powerful stuff!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: